My Lord, I know that your word says, "Forget the former things, don't dwell on the past..." (Isaiah 43:18-19)
But Father, I still look back from time to time wondering how I got through my days, my struggles, my decision making and my overall ability to get as far as I did.
Each time that I stop to ponder the hows and whys...I hear Your sweet whisper saying, "Because I love you."
I had no idea whatsoever that You loved me and to what degree. I was listening to a Dr. Stanley DVD series on "Liberated To Love." I didn't know that I could love You. I honestly and profoundly did not know that I was supposed to love you. After my parent's divorce, my life shifted to survival mode and I unknowingly operated in that manner for the next 20 plus years.
If I could watch a DVD of my life, I know I'd burst into tears seeing the many ways You tried to reach out to me by Your tender loving touch and Your tender loving voice. I know that I would not make it through the entire video after seeing the countless times You protected me from harm. Not to mention the warning signs in which I "thought" that I was making those "good decisions" on my own with no clue whatsoever that it was You behind the scenes. It truly overwhelms me.
Yes, I know that I'm supposed to forget the former things, but looking back from time to time reminds me of who I once was and how YOU, the one true Lord of my life, lifted me out the pits of hell and saved me unto Yourself. I know without a doubt that You My Lord, hold me in the palm of Your hands and is indeed the safest I've ever felt.
Eternally yours
