Monday, June 11, 2018

YOUR WILL Not Mine

Nothing

as of late... I just don't feel like it
not the reading
not the praying
not the crying
not the living

i don't feel like nothing really
just wanting to sit by the window
frozen in my sacred space
just the two of us

no set schedule or timimg
when i'm there i'm supposed to be
not wanting to do anything else

i don't want to talk
i don't want to text...send or receive
i don't want to check emails
not even incoming prayer requests

i'm unable to mouth the words
i'm unable to explain to others
i'm unable to pen it to my journal

i deeply love him
i fully trust him
i wholeheartedly believe in him

but honestly...as of late
i'm wanting to do nothing really

the fire is still inside of me
the desire burns for his kingdom
and the calling will be fulfilled

but as of late...my tank is empty
this flesh is burden and i hate this world
i cannot sit idle and do nothing

The above poem was written while in the living room sitting on the sofa, feeling so ….. and then I gathered myself and went into the bedroom.  Like a creature of habit, I went straight into my mode of prayer and then paused and starting laughing...His will, will be done.  Then I wrote the below email.  I'm probably the only person who sends texts and e-mails to God! Lol

God You know that I just finished posting a poem on my blog title "NOTHING!"

Now here I sit 15 minutes or so later in my birthday chair with my Bible in my left hand, life action camp prayers on my lap along with my day 10 Return To Me, prayer guide. And on the right is my 30 day prayer guide for Muslims and also my prayer guide for tomorrow's fasting for North Korea.

Like my signature says below, this is surely not my life. It's all You God! All I can do is laugh and smile… Smile and laugh out loud… This is not my life. I want to lay down and watch TV and eat junk food. But the spirit has me getting ready to open Your Word, read and pray. Thank You Lord! Have Your way! Help me daily...to die to this flesh! My heart longs to obey You and my spirit longs for Your will. In Jesus' name, amen!

Galatians 2:20-21
This is not my life...

Eternally yours